[ First he's going to find them a more secluded area, one of the living rooms he's pretty sure is unused. Rather than sit, however, he stands with his arms crossed, eventually starting to pace as he haltingly makes his way through a laundry list that's been rotating in his head since their texts. ]
You're right. Maybe I haven't been trusting you enough for all this.
I don't think you want to betray us or take advantage of me—which I wouldn't allow, anyway—
But when you first showed up, I didn't know shit about you. Fine. All of us have our reasons. But almost every time we spoke it was this whole thing, and did you really expect me to let you stick around, no questions asked? You should know—the kind of risks villains deal with. I didn't fucking make demands because of my ego, or because I wanted to control you!
But even after that I got the feeling you just—questioned my judgment. I listened to what you told me. And I thought you wouldn't want what I wanted—out of sex—and it pissed you off too, when I tried to lay out what that was. Did I "overthink" that? Did you just think I've had a stick up my ass about this for no reason? That I just need to "loosen up"?
[ He exhales sharply, scrubbing his hands over his face like it'll help him get a grip. ]
I piss you off whether I try to or not. Whether I'm just saying something or responding to something you said. Maybe some of that has to do with your past, but it's still me you're getting pissed off at. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.
I wasn't trying to lead you on. Do I seem like I enjoy playing those types of games? You say you like me, but then all this happens. It pisses me off, but it's not like I hate you—or that I just want to toy with you. I just—can't tell how to handle you most of the time.
[ He takes a breath as though to add more, then realizes there probably isn't much more to add. Instead, he shrugs, as though to say "well, there you have it." And there you have it, everything articulated to the point he's figured them out, making him feel like a damn stupid asshole in a shoujo anime laying out all these stupid feelings. Humiliating, honestly. ]
no subject
You're right. Maybe I haven't been trusting you enough for all this.
I don't think you want to betray us or take advantage of me—which I wouldn't allow, anyway—
But when you first showed up, I didn't know shit about you. Fine. All of us have our reasons. But almost every time we spoke it was this whole thing, and did you really expect me to let you stick around, no questions asked? You should know—the kind of risks villains deal with. I didn't fucking make demands because of my ego, or because I wanted to control you!
But even after that I got the feeling you just—questioned my judgment. I listened to what you told me. And I thought you wouldn't want what I wanted—out of sex—and it pissed you off too, when I tried to lay out what that was. Did I "overthink" that? Did you just think I've had a stick up my ass about this for no reason? That I just need to "loosen up"?
[ He exhales sharply, scrubbing his hands over his face like it'll help him get a grip. ]
I piss you off whether I try to or not. Whether I'm just saying something or responding to something you said. Maybe some of that has to do with your past, but it's still me you're getting pissed off at. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.
I wasn't trying to lead you on. Do I seem like I enjoy playing those types of games? You say you like me, but then all this happens. It pisses me off, but it's not like I hate you—or that I just want to toy with you. I just—can't tell how to handle you most of the time.
[ He takes a breath as though to add more, then realizes there probably isn't much more to add. Instead, he shrugs, as though to say "well, there you have it." And there you have it, everything articulated to the point he's figured them out, making him feel like a damn stupid asshole in a shoujo anime laying out all these stupid feelings. Humiliating, honestly. ]