coldestsummer | psl post: hell is round the corner

[ He's no good at this, even so he can see how much this affects Zero, and in spite of everything Tomura is, he's not inclined to brush off his allies lightly. After a moment, he drops the defensive stance and approaches Zero, squatting down before the man's hunched form. He rests his arms on his knees, making a surface where he drops his chin, casual but attentive. ]

Okay. Tell me about him.

[That Tomura's response is kindness, an open willingness to listen, tells Natsuo everything he needs to know about how badly he's undervalued this man. He's lucky to be here now with a chance to explain. So lucky.]

He's... a demon. I mean it. [And indeed, the look on Natsuo's face when he lifts his head and stares down at his hands can only be described as haunted.] He's been trying to - to fucking breed what he thinks will be the perfect hero, half ice and half fire so neither one overwhelms their body. Our "family" was never about anything but that, he's never given a fuck about us. But he gets into our heads, he drove Touya and Fuyumi crazy and I can only imagine how fucked up Shouto must be by now - my mom's in a fucking institution! It's all about making him happy, being everything he wants you to be, keeping him calm, making sure he doesn't get so mad that someone gets hurt...

[This wasn't supposed to be part of his confession. The words just keep tumbling out faster and faster before Natsuo can stop himself because no one's ever invited him to talk about this before.]

... and I'm just. Scared. I like to think I got out in time but look at me.

Edited 2023-09-10 01:03 (UTC)

[ It's unusual for him to be here. Villains are the sorts who are typically tight-lipped about their lives, and yet every so often they'd say a thing or two that gave them the expression Zero is wearing now.

Maybe the most unexpected part is how much Tomura can understand the family Zero describes.

He peers up at the devastated look on Zero's face, his own only bearing neutrality. ]

What am I supposed to see that'll change how I think of you?

I told you!! We're all crazy, he's fucked us all up. You can't trust me now!

[Back to anger. The anger-fear connection Natsuo's tried to explain to Tomura before might make a bit more sense now, as the defensive walls fly up right in front of his face.]

Are you deciding that for me?

[ His expression narrows briefly, like he finds that kind of dumb. But he doesn't linger on it. ]

Maybe you're crazy and fucked up. Do you think you're the only one? That everyone else got here because they're normal?

Everyone's got their own reasons. I'll lead you all to the end anyway.

[Hearing Tomura say things like this is one thing. Hearing other members back it up and say he's always seemed genuine is another. But now he's proving his words, actually living by them, and that's another thing altogether.]

I... I'm sorry. I haven't been fair to you at all.

You're lucky I don't care about that anymore, or I'd be the one starting the fight.

[ But honestly someone having the wrong idea of him is small potatoes when other disagreements lead to people sending an army after him, so... ]

You know, one thing I haven't really done is apologize to anyone, ever. So maybe there's more hope for you than me.

[The last bit gets a weak laugh, brief but genuine.]

I don't even know what to fucking say now. I should say something if you're still here listening, but...

[He just feels so stupid, so pathetically broken and incapable.]

I did propose to let you say your piece. Is there anything else you want to say?

... yeah. There's a couple of things.

I do like you, and that time you helped get me off made me more determined to wait until you're ready, not less. When I said it was hot to see you loosen up, I - didn't just mean you. We've both had our shit we're not sure about and it's kept pushing us apart. I wasn't judging, or I didn't mean to. It was more like... hey, good shit can happen when we're both more relaxed and comfortable.

That's all I meant. And when you turned that back into me wanting to force you, right after - I mean, even while we're talking about something that happened because I made myself loosen up right along with you... that felt fucked up. I thought you had to be trying to fuck with my mind.

[ For a moment he's silent, processing, before giving a nod. ]

I thought you just... saw my approach as wrong the whole time. I got annoyed.

[ He already explained why, so he doesn't get into it again, just cops to his reaction. As much as a lighthearted gesture of comfort it might have been, Tomura wasn't exactly kidding about not apologizing so—this is his version of admitting fault. ]

If I'm gonna be wrong about something I guess this is a good time.

... You... don't think I'm just holding back for stupid reasons, right?

[ What does feel stupid is this ask for reassurance, but it's important to know, he thinks. ]

[Apologies aren't important. Zero's just glad Tomura was willing to admit his side of the misunderstanding so they can move past the whole thing.]

I think it's never been any of my fucking business why you're holding back, but no, they're not stupid reasons.

[After a pause, he has a question of his own.]

Are you gonna get someone to look into me?

Sometimes people still want to get their say in anyway.

... No. The information would've been more useful to me when I didn't know who the fuck you were or what you wanted anyway.

[Disarmingly honest, like so many things Tomura says. In that case...]

My name's Todoroki Natsuo.

... Do you want me to call you that?

No. Fuck, no.

Just wanted to tell you.

[ A nod. ]

Zero, then.

[ He makes to push himself back up, but stops midway, leaning in close to Zero's face. There's only a split second before he presses their lips together, firm but chaste, and then he's gone, righting himself and patting down his clothes. ]

[motherfucker whAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Colour him newly confused but much better equipped to deal with whatever happens next...]

... You seem surprised. Was it unwelcome?

[Oh shit, he was hoping Tomura hadn't noticed that reaction.]

I, uh - when you usually fuck and run, it means you don't exactly get kissed like that much. Or kissed like anything much.

But no, not unwelcome.

[His face is on fire.]

Hmm.

[ With an answer like that, of course Tomura's tempted. Plus Zero's pretty cute like this, and it's sort of refreshing to be the one to initiate something unusual. Bending at the waist again, Tomura raises a hand to lightly hold Zero's chin and slots their lips together again, nice and slow. ]

[Their long, turbulent dance has made it unfairly easy for Tomura to electrify Zero's body with small moments of light contact like this. It's a completely dry kiss and yet the simple fact of Tomura's papery lips on his makes Zero's heart race.

But he doesn't want to do anything that could be construed as aggressive, so he can't just allow himself to react according to his body's wishes. When Tomura doesn't immediately break the kiss, Zero softens his lips and lets them part the slightest bit as an invitation deeper inside, not a demand. One hand drifts up to Tomura's face and he catches a lock of light hair between his fingers, then tucks it gently behind Tomura's ear.

Tender. Unusually tender. It makes his chest and stomach flutter in the weirdest way.]

[ He hadn't meant to fully push Zero out of taking initiative, but he's not going to complain right now. This is pleasant too, despite his own slightly vacillating movements, the drag of their mouths together, Zero's lips soft and warm against his own.

Zero may not do this much, but Tomura has no experience either, he's working purely on instinct as he dips his tongue out briefly, brushing against Zero's parted lips. That's where he winds up at a loss though, and after a moment he pulls back a little, slightly flushed, but he doesn't back away, his eyes instead tracing over Zero's face. ]

[It's not too hard to tell that Tomura's wavering on technique, not eagerness. When he pulls back with that slightly dazed look, Zero can't help but grin.]

Let me take over? [The pad of his thumb brushes over the mole just under Tomura's lower lip.] You say stop, I stop.

[ That grin on Zero is so attractive it's unfair, and that annoys Tomura, just enough to huff, petulant. It isn't what makes him pull away, he does that to think, backing away a little more as his eyes drift towards the ceiling. With each of their misconceptions cleared, he feels less hesitant to let things move forward, but...

He glances back to Zero. ]

If we go any further, just to let you know, I'm in the mood to be spoiled.

[ Matter-of-factly. He was the one who approached Zero about it, but after expelling those thoughts on everything, he feels tired. Definitely too tired to take the role of pushing them onward. ]

psl post: hell is round the corner

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